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Friends that Were.

I think it has been over a year since I last posted something on here. I spend far too much of my time on other websites and trying to be I forget to update.

So what's going on with myself lately. Not a lot. I've torn a ligament in my foot which means I'm side lined for a bit. It not really fun to not have anything to do all day other than watch old tellivison series' and Judge Judy. My brother is causing me some grief. He's annyoing but I love him.

I was doing work experiance, which I will return to once I'm healed, and there was a slight pervy man who made me think about things that were. To be more precise Friends that were. When I was in primary school I had a friend who I thought was my best friend. It only dawned on me in recent years how much she used me and my family but yet I haven't the heart to say or hear a harsh word towards her. I've another friend who I love but yet I call them studpid when I disagree on a course they take. I question my self about if that makes me the bad person. Am I in fault for being harsh to one and not the other.

I've alwasy found it hard to make friends. And when I do make them I want to hold on to them and never let go. I'll change who I am so not to lose them. I think I invest myself too much in what my peers say about me. And what they think about me.

That turned more depressing then I though it would. O well.

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Man It's Been Awhile.

It has been far too long since I posted last. I keep putting it off until I have something good to say but at present I only fell angry, hurt, and ill.

I'm angry because I feel as though my uncle and to an extent aunt have punched me in the chest. No more than that it's like they froze my heart and beat it with a hammer. I've been building bridges to help repair the gaps in all of our relation ships but they took petrol to it and threw on a match to kiss it goodbye. I don't know why I wanted to expect anything else. That's what's hurts me the most.

And ill because I've caught a cold, sort of, thing.

Let's change the tone shall we. Lighter stuff is that I'm working harder on my photography and looking into aspects I haven't been before. My writing is getting both better and darker.

Other than that, I'm looking for a job. I'm working on several fan fics along with an two original stories.

I'm redecorating my room, which I have been wanting to do two weeks after my brother moved out over five years ago, but have yet settled on a colour.

DD. X:-)

I'm Just Hidding

Hello all,

I've just been reminded that I haven't posted in ages. That is mostly because real life has gooten in the way, college life has gotten in the way, and just about everything has gotten in the way. I'm currently typing this while avodiing an essay for photography.

I've been good latly. I'm mostly healed from my surgery but I've been left with the ever present feeling of wanting to be sick and headachs. Not to mention the weather has been making hacok of my chest, the joys of asthma.

My family have been wonderfull. While I was recovering they were there for me. Even with my strange mood swings, they helped me though the pain I had. The operation, thugh small, took a lot outta me.

I'll write more later, I have to get back to my studies.

X:-)

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

This time tommorrow i will ever be getting operated on or waking up after being operated on.

Kinda scared and just wanted to say that. Both aloud and typed.

I don't know what to say....

...to make it a better day.

Recently I've found that the morjority of my friends are having a hard time. This makes me sad, so much so that right now I'm listening to 'wherever you will go'. I hate it whenever any one is feeling sad about things, be it a t.v show that has made them sad or personal things. 

Most of the times I can be around them to make them feel better, but for some I can't be there for them. All I want to do is hug thema and tell them that no matter how dark life can be at rthe moment there is allways light on the other side of the coin. You've just gotta remember that sooner or later things will be better. You may feel like there could never be a better tommorow, but there is.

Trust me i know. I've been so down sometimes that I felt like not awakening ever. But I'm glade I did, because some things got better. Somethings are still getting better after years of working on them

If praying helps, then pray. If shouting at the wall helps, yell even if your neighbours find you strange. If writing helps, use all the ink.

I suppose what I'm saying is, please be happy. If you need to talk, get in touch. Write or however you want to get in touch do so.

I hope this help-s some. In a way it's just for my own sake.

That goes to everyone reading this.
I promised to write about my irst week back at college, but like many things real life got in my way.

So far it's been interesting and strange. My Film class in now a mixture of both AS classes, and none of my friends from AS stayed, the same happened in photography. I've had to remember how to make friends and it seems to be working in photograhy not so much in film. Maths is better than i thought it would be and i actully have a friend in that class.

The work load so far has been managable, Got a lot of typing to do for photography and reshearch project to think about or film.

Home lie is weird at the moment. I'll prefer not to talk about that stuff right now. I will say today is the year aniversary of my cizt problem. YAY, sad party time.

I will right a bigger post one day. Hope every ones well, I'll be checking out everyones post in five minutes.
X :-)

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda?

I've had a slow, painful, annoyig two weeks, only built up by the reviews I have been getting from one of my strories. My cyst problem hasn't gone yet and I'm still waiting to hear about the operation date to have the problem removed. I'm still scared about it and at first i didn't want it to happen, but now i can't wait to get the letter in the post with a date and time. And now,
I've hurt my ankle so now that's troubling me, I'm getting a collection of brusies. 

I've recently found a canadian show called FLASHPOINT and have become oppssed with it. I love the show and am really peed of that I can only buy the first season on DVD in the uk.

I'm currently been over run with PLOT BUNNIES, they have been pulling my hair and biting my feet for attention. Now I have so many planned out and so many I wish Icould write and post in one day, I don't know what to do. So far I have: 1-Lewis, 3/4-Flashpoint, 2-Sherlock, 3-CSI:NEW YORK and all the other stories I have already posted and started yet to finish. Anyone think I should start posting my stories here?

Shorter than I thought this update will be, but hay.

I Solemnly Swear...

...That over the next few weeks I will plan out the end of my three main fics i am writting, begging on the gift!fic i have been planning for a friend for ages, and beging the collaberation fic me and another friend has been planning.

If I alter from this swear allow evil monkeys to come and attack me, chew on my hair and make me listen to music that would make my ears bleed. 

in other news, I am tacking ideas for one shots in the following fandoms.

NCIS
CSI (all of them)
The Mentalist
Lewis
and Leverage.

Like You.

I've been thinking about this for a while now and I keep coming to the same result. I can't look at some one I know in the same way because of the things I know now. I don't understand why I react this way, their a good person, I just am.

I would go into details but they may read this and I don't want them to know what I fill about the situation. Knowing my luck they already know it, I'm not good about hiding things from them.

I've tried speaking to one of my more mature frineds, but because they have never meet they can't help me out.

I've tried to confince my self that I'm acting stupid, but I'm not acting stupid. It's fear and panic that I'm feeling feelings that aren't easy to hide from.

I'll leave it there since I have no more to say on the matter that i want to make public. If any one who is reading this can help, I'd love for you to get in touch.
x

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